I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
i believe in u and ur pee
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