oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
