also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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