I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize