Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
