Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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