she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
