Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
