At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
