Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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