i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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