Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
