I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
