suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
