he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
