: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
