hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
