What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
