five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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