see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
