She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
