"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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