What a fucking waste of an outfit
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
