he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
