Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
