I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
