Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
