so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
