Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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