Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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