I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize