forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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