also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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