Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
porn star boner night. come get it.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
