But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
two words: eviction party
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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