I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize