he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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