Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
