yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Houston, we have a blender
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Randomize
