I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
