i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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