It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just want nice things and good sex
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
