Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
the condom got lost in my hair
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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