I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
