Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
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I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
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okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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