So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
