Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
