Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
