i barfeds in our rink
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
