You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
honey bunches of taint.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
