Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
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