Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
