I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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