I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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