I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just want nice things and good sex
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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