Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
