you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
