Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
