I got chris browned last night
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
i believe in u and ur pee
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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