She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize