oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
