Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
