he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Randomize
