Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
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Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
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I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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